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Header by Aina Najihah Re-dit by Jessie (me xD) 
Him
Yeah, I'm back. I miss him. The only him who makes my world a better place. But he's gone. He'll never come back, will he? I think its a no since I've never seen him after so long. Stop dreaming, Jessie.
Well, have you ever wondered why some people get over their exes or crushes faster than the others?
I’ve always been one who takes a long time to get over any guy I like. I’ve liked a few guys and dated a few. But I still remember all of them with a lot of affection.
But I remembers him the most.
Perhaps I love the whole idea of love and missing someone. Or perhaps, I’m just a sucker for love and memories.
My last “relationship” with a guy taught me a few things though, and it really helped me cope with this dilemma of missing guys who somehow never missed me back.
Two years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy. The relationship wasn’t really going anywhere, and everything had just come to a standstill. Around the same time, I met a great guy at my tuition. He had a huge crush on me, and we always talks about everything every now and then at tuition. But as the weeks turned to months, I found myself enjoying a lot more with this guy than my own boyfriend.
One thing led to another and one emo day when i was at tuition, I got real sad when I knew something serious happened in my family. He gave me a big hug when he knew what happened. One hug led to a kiss over the next few weeks and a few months later, we were spending together at tuition every time after class. Soon, I was truly in love with this friend of mine. In fact, I was crazy about him. I broke up with my own boyfriend worth two years and happily jumped into a blissfully happy relationship with my friend. He did everything for me and I thought we will last forever.
But after three years into the relationship, and we were just not compatible for each other. Now that he snagged me, he started behaving aloof and would avoid me all the time. He crippled me and made me feel neglected and unloved. And to make matters worse, he told me he needed some space away from me.
I respected his view, but I really missed him a lot when he wasn’t around. I called him a few times a week. Sometimes, he was friendly and mushy. And sometimes, he was rude and abrupt. At other times, he wouldn’t answer my call and wouldn’t even call me back.
Any time I got mushy or told him that I missed him, he would get irritated and snap at me for not getting the point that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and needed space to understand what he really wanted with me.
I used to massage him long miss-you-and-love-you letters only to get a short, curt one line reply. After weeks he didn't respond. The last text from him was just a goodbye. I dedicated songs to him and created playlists for him and send him the list. He didn’t even respond. Finally, after months of tear stained pillows and lonely nights staring at walls and empty glasses, I decided to accept the fact that he was gone and move on.
I fell in love with someone else. But I still missed him. I missed him so much it hurts.
I spend the last year missing him. It was truly unrequited love of the painful kind. He was the guy who pursued me for a year and convinced me to end my long term relationship to be with him.
And now, it was all so different.
One morning I woke up and just knew I had to move on. It was easier than I thought, once I made up my mind. Life is funny and ironic. But it’s ironic only if you see it that way.
I missed him. I wanted him. I couldn’t have him. I overcame my love for him.
Sometimes, I feel miserable and hurt. I miss someone so much that as time passes by, I forget everything that really matters. I forget why I miss that special person. I want to call the guy I like, or I want to meet him, or I even want to get back with him. But does he want the same thing?
-Jessie <365 0 comment[s] | back to top |
