-
At times, I'm really clueless. Like, what's life all about?
At times, I really want to quit. If life was a game.
It sucks to think that you're living for nothing.
I really want, HAVE to stand for my Faith someday. I just feel like its isn't the right time yet. Or that I'm being the coward myself.
And you. If you would want to push me away, I won't mind. But I will just stand here, just because I like it.
Turning myself into something I don't wanna become messes up not just what I'm presently doing, but everyone around me too. I just push people away, so often even when I need them.
'I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?'
At times I couldn't even explain what I feel. I used quotes way too much to explain my inner feeling. I really can't cut open my mind for such simple, yet deep things anymore.
I'm escaping too much, aren't I?
Been so long since a deep post like this? I miss it. What other ways to let out these when no one is willing to hear? Thanks, blogpost.
-Jessie <365
WISHLIST =)
1. XIUMIN T-SHIRT
2. GD 88 T-SHIRT
3. 'GET OUT' SNAPBACK (THE ONE GD WEARS IN OOAK)
4. JIHYO'S SPIKY CAP T^T
5. XIUMIN'S RING. THE ONE WITH THE POWER.
6. OOAK BAG T^T
7. BIGBANG PURSE. THE ONE WITH BIGBANG'S VIP AT THE FRONT.
8. GD'S OOAK ALBUM T^T /CRIES
9. CONVERSE SHOE PINK COLOURRR -booked by daddy as bday present :D-
10. WINNER'S DEBUT ALBUM
11. JOHN GREEN'S 'LET IT SNOW'
12. ONE DIRECTION'S FRAGRANCE 'OUR MOMENT'
13. NEW PHONE
14. INSTAX MINI 8 PINK OR BLUE (instax mini 25 white but its ok :3)
15. UNICORN PLUSHIE ASDFGHJKL
16. FLOWER CROWN
17. DREAMCATCHER T-T
18. VINTAGE BRACELET / ANKLET
19. ANY 'CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL' BOOK (wanna collect at least 3)
20. 2NE1 CRUSH ALBUM (prefer black edition but pink is ok)
21. 3 BOXES OF OREO ICECREAM.
22. NEW EARPHONES.
23. Gayle Forman's 'If I Stay'
24. Gayle Forman's 'Where She Went' (Sequel to If I Stay)
25. Gayle Forman's 'Just One Day'
26. Gayle Forman's 'Just One Year' (Sequel to Just One Day)
27. Rainbow Rowell's 'Eleanor and Park'
28. Gwendolyn Heasley's 'Don't Call Me Baby'
29. Julie Fison's 'Choose Your Own Ever After -The Call of The Wild-'
30. Kate Welshman's 'Choose Your Own Ever After -Make Up or Break Up-'
31. Wreck This Journal.
32. Baby G watch. White and pink. omg.
-Jessie <365
Form 3 2014
This year was such a hectic year for me. Much more hectic than I thought it'll be when I was at the starting of the year 2014.
Well, school has ended tho. This post had been stuck in drafts for moths so I decide to finish it up.
Pt3 done, pbs done. Its only the results that matters now.
But I'm just gonna enjoy before the terror arrives.
Will be back in Singapore next month. Excited to spend Christmas there. Wanted to go Dubai to see Max but apparently the rooms are full in aunt's house. :/
Happy holidays! Hehe ~
- Jessie <365
Thoughts
They say changes can be for the bestBut what I detest Is that people around me Change to be as terrible as they can be Especially when it comes to friends That change and it ends And we thought that our friendship will last for long However, we are both wrong We thought we would be friends for quite some time But apparently it's a crime For friendships to last A lot of people come and go And become somebody that we used to know.
Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where somebody that you cared about used to be. And the biggest mistake in life I've ever made was letting someone stay longer than they deserved.
I've never thought that you would misunderstand every single words I've said. Maybe, God didn't want you to understand. Or maybe, it's just you.
I'm still waiting, but you thought I left. I'm still hoping, but you thought I gave up.
In the end, you're the one who chose to leave and give up.
事实, 我很想你。 可是, 你却不知道。
- Jessie <365 Friendship?
Friendhip. They don't last, do they?
People leave everyday, even though you did nothing wrong.
Why do we need friends anyway?
Why can't we be alone just for some time?
Knowing that they'll either backstab you or betray you, they will still leave one day.
Why do we still trust them, then?
Trusting them too much and expecting much from them will only leads to disappointment.
Every single word they said literally scared those innocent little heart whom are sensitive.
Should I or should I not trust anyone anymore?
Even the person that we trust the most and treasure the most left within just a year or two?
I wanted to be alone, I always am.
But on the other side, I want someone to notice me and care about me, gives me attention.
Why can't I have a friend like everyone else do?
People just love to leave my hanging, don't they?
They never loved and cared about be at all, when they said they always did.
You don't have to say it, prove it.
Jessie <365
You // Broken Trust
People often are disappointed and are not worthy to trust. Some people act arbitrarily, treacherously and viciously, or, worse, offhandedly. You have to select the beneficiaries of your trust carefully: the one who has the most common interests with you; who is invested in you for the long haul; who is incapable of breaching trust ("a good person"); who doesn't have much to gain from betraying you - is not likely to mislead you. These people you can trust.
You should not trust indiscriminately. No one is completely trustworthy in all fields of life. Most often, our disappointments stem from our inability to separate one area from another. A person could be sexually faithful – but utterly irresponsible when it comes to money (for instance, a pathological gambler). Or he could be a good, reliable father – but a womanizer.
You can trust someone to carry out some assignments but not other, because these activities are more complicated, more boring, or do not conform to their values.
Still, we should not trust with reservations. Qualified trust is common in business and among criminals and its source is rational. Game Theory in mathematics deals with questions of calculated trust. We should trust wholeheartedly but know who to entrust with what. Then we will be rarely disappointed.
As opposed to popular opinion, trust must be put to the test, lest it goes stale and staid. We are all somewhat paranoid. The world is complex, inexplicable, arbitrary, and overwhelming. Some forces are benign, some capricious, others downright malicious. There must be an explanation, we feel, for all these amazing coincidences, for our existence, for events around us.
This tendency to introduce external powers and ulterior motives into our reality by way of explanation permeates human relations as well. We gradually grow suspicious, inadvertently hunt for clues of infidelity or worse, masochistically relieved, even happy when we find some.
The more often we successfully test the trust we had established, the stronger our pattern-prone brain embraces it. Constantly in a precarious balance, our mind needs and devours reinforcements.
Yet, such testing should not be explicit but circumstantial.
Trust is based on the ability to predict the future. We react not only to the act of betrayal, but also to the feeling that the very foundations of our world are crumbling, that it is no longer safe because it is no longer predictable. When betrayed, we are in the throes of death of one theory or even paradigm and the birth of another, as yet untested.
Here is another important lesson: whatever the act of betrayal (with the exception of outright maiming or murder), its outcomes are frequently limited, reversible, and, ultimately, negligible. Naturally, we tend to exaggerate the importance of the event. This serves a triple purpose. First, it aggrandizes us: if we are "worthy" of such an unprecedented, unheard of, and major betrayal, we must be worthwhile and truly special. The magnitude of the betrayal reflects on us and re-establishes the fragile balance of powers between us and the universe.
The second purpose of exaggerating the act of perfidy is simply to gain sympathy and empathy, mainly from ourselves, but also from others. Catastrophes are a dozen a dime and in today's world it is difficult to provoke anyone to regard your personal disaster as anything exceptional. Finally, the greater and more unprecedented the act of treason, the less responsible we feel for it and the more we believe that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it.
Amplifying the event has, therefore, some very self-salving purposes. But, finally, this self-deception poisons the victim’s mental circulation. Putting the event in perspective goes a long way towards the commencement of a healing process. No betrayal stamps the world irreversibly or altogether eliminates other possibilities, opportunities, chances, and people. Time goes by, people meet and part, lovers quarrel and make love, dear ones live and die. It is the very essence of time that it reduces us all to the finest dust. Our only weapon – however crude and naive – against this inexorable process is to trust each other.
Well, in this modern era, it’s not easy to find a good friend. In friendship, trust is a must-have thing. If you don’t trust your friend, then it’s not friendship. Yes, what can break your friendship is when you lose your trust to your own friend. When the trust is broken, all goes back to zero. Even worse. You will hate each other. I’m not meant to be wicked, but one thousand times of apology will not revive that trust. What you will think about your friend is.. Bad memories. It really kindles a flame of hatred between both of you.
I know, my disappointment will not change anything better. That apology heals nothing. Sometimes I ask myself: why do people lie so easily? Didn’t they know that lying is evil? Didn’t their parents teach them about morals? Another question is: does trust depend on who you are? I mean, trust is something that everyone has. It is human’s right and it is obligatory upon anyone to keep that trust. In my case, yes, I’m not your bestfriend. But, does it mean that I have no right to be treated well? My friend, we are human. You can’t make any excuse for doing any evil actions to anyone, even that person is only your friend. If so, please admit your mistakes and apologize soon. Stop insisting that you’re always right. Stop thinking that your friend is an opponent that you have to defeat.
Lying is eviler than murder. You already know about this. We aren’t the enemies in a war. We aren’t a married couple, either. Why did you lie to me? Why are you still arrogant about yourself? Please do contemplate. Please do consider this friendship. If not, why did you spend your time with me? We shared our secrets to each other. We promised to keep them well. We joked together. Do you still think that it was just an ordinary friendship, that you could just throw it away? Tell me.
Where are you? Have you been blinded by love? I used to know you as a logical person. Why did you sacrifice your intellect in a blink of eye? Why did you trust your lust instead of me? Why do you allow deception in friendship? Why do you harden you heart? Why do you deafen your ears from the truth? Am I nothing for you, after I always accompany and help you?
I am your friend, I won’t hurt you. Iloveyou. From the very start.
-Jessie <365
Bucket List :)
Right now ; 34/70
1. Fall in love.
2. Lose my virginity.
3. Ride the roller coasterrrrr.
4. Fall asleep in someone’s arms.
5. Bake a cake.
6. Have my first kiss.
7. Get drunk.
8. Lay under the stars.
9. Be kissed in the rain.
10. Be happy with the way I look.
11. Be told ‘I love you’ by the boy I am in love with.
12. Stick up for my best friend.
13. Keep a diary throughout my teenage years.
14. Have a baby.
15. Say the lords prayer in times of need and sorrow.
16. Cook a meal.
17. Get a tattoo.
18. Slap a bitch.
19. Get a complete spa treatment.
20. Hang out with friends.
21. Only kiss the people that I love.
22. Travel around the world.
23. Become successful in my career.
24. Be an independent womaen.
25. Pass my PT3.
26. Eat ice.
27. Go karaoke.
28. Go on a sophisticated dinner with my best friend.
29. Cry myself to sleep.
30. Have a nice tummy.
31. Keep my face flawless till 23.
32. Find my soul mate.
33. Own the Double End Highlighter.
34. Go visit an orphanage.
35. Go to London.
36. Go to Korea.
37. Kiss someone while watching the sunset.
38. Go to Japan.
39. Learn and master Korean language.
40. Go to a party.
41. Have a water ballet performance.
42. Be in a TV program.
43. Have a sleepover with friends.
44. Pour my heart out to someone I like.
45. Get rejected.
46. Spend an entire day in bed watching movies and eating.
47. Dream about the boy I like.
48. Go on a date.
49. Have someone put there arm around me in a cinema.
50. Have my own laptop.
51. Sleep in a capsule hotel.
52. Live in Korea / US.
53. Have sex.
54. Don't be emo anymore.
55. Get into Raffles University in Singapore.
56. Have a long-term relationship.
57. Be important to someone.
58. Meet OneDirection.
59. Meet Justin Bieber.
60. Meet Bigbang.
61. Meet 2ne1.
62. Meet EXO.
63. Meet F(x).
64. Marry my ideal man.
65. Teach dancing class as a part time job.
66. Own a mp3.
67. Have my own ome/family.
68. Celebrate my birthday with close ones on 2013.
69. Keep in touch with my lovies until we have our own family.
70. Complete the things on my list.
-Jessie <365
|
-
At times, I'm really clueless. Like, what's life all about?
At times, I really want to quit. If life was a game.
It sucks to think that you're living for nothing.
I really want, HAVE to stand for my Faith someday. I just feel like its isn't the right time yet. Or that I'm being the coward myself.
And you. If you would want to push me away, I won't mind. But I will just stand here, just because I like it.
Turning myself into something I don't wanna become messes up not just what I'm presently doing, but everyone around me too. I just push people away, so often even when I need them.
'I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?'
At times I couldn't even explain what I feel. I used quotes way too much to explain my inner feeling. I really can't cut open my mind for such simple, yet deep things anymore.
I'm escaping too much, aren't I?
Been so long since a deep post like this? I miss it. What other ways to let out these when no one is willing to hear? Thanks, blogpost.
-Jessie <365
WISHLIST =)
1. XIUMIN T-SHIRT
2. GD 88 T-SHIRT
3. 'GET OUT' SNAPBACK (THE ONE GD WEARS IN OOAK)
4. JIHYO'S SPIKY CAP T^T
5. XIUMIN'S RING. THE ONE WITH THE POWER.
6. OOAK BAG T^T
7. BIGBANG PURSE. THE ONE WITH BIGBANG'S VIP AT THE FRONT.
8. GD'S OOAK ALBUM T^T /CRIES
9. CONVERSE SHOE PINK COLOURRR -booked by daddy as bday present :D-
10. WINNER'S DEBUT ALBUM
11. JOHN GREEN'S 'LET IT SNOW'
12. ONE DIRECTION'S FRAGRANCE 'OUR MOMENT'
13. NEW PHONE
14. INSTAX MINI 8 PINK OR BLUE (instax mini 25 white but its ok :3)
15. UNICORN PLUSHIE ASDFGHJKL
16. FLOWER CROWN
17. DREAMCATCHER T-T
18. VINTAGE BRACELET / ANKLET
19. ANY 'CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL' BOOK (wanna collect at least 3)
20. 2NE1 CRUSH ALBUM (prefer black edition but pink is ok)
21. 3 BOXES OF OREO ICECREAM.
22. NEW EARPHONES.
23. Gayle Forman's 'If I Stay'
24. Gayle Forman's 'Where She Went' (Sequel to If I Stay)
25. Gayle Forman's 'Just One Day'
26. Gayle Forman's 'Just One Year' (Sequel to Just One Day)
27. Rainbow Rowell's 'Eleanor and Park'
28. Gwendolyn Heasley's 'Don't Call Me Baby'
29. Julie Fison's 'Choose Your Own Ever After -The Call of The Wild-'
30. Kate Welshman's 'Choose Your Own Ever After -Make Up or Break Up-'
31. Wreck This Journal.
32. Baby G watch. White and pink. omg.
-Jessie <365
Form 3 2014
This year was such a hectic year for me. Much more hectic than I thought it'll be when I was at the starting of the year 2014.
Well, school has ended tho. This post had been stuck in drafts for moths so I decide to finish it up.
Pt3 done, pbs done. Its only the results that matters now.
But I'm just gonna enjoy before the terror arrives.
Will be back in Singapore next month. Excited to spend Christmas there. Wanted to go Dubai to see Max but apparently the rooms are full in aunt's house. :/
Happy holidays! Hehe ~
- Jessie <365
Thoughts
They say changes can be for the bestBut what I detest
Is that people around me
Change to be as terrible as they can be
Especially when it comes to friends
That change and it ends
And we thought that our friendship will last for long
However, we are both wrong
We thought we would be friends for quite some time
But apparently it's a crime
For friendships to last
A lot of people come and go
And become somebody that we used to know.
Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where somebody that you cared about used to be. And the biggest mistake in life I've ever made was letting someone stay longer than they deserved.
I've never thought that you would misunderstand every single words I've said. Maybe, God didn't want you to understand. Or maybe, it's just you.
I'm still waiting, but you thought I left.
I'm still hoping, but you thought I gave up.
In the end, you're the one who chose to leave and give up.
事实, 我很想你。
可是, 你却不知道。
- Jessie <365
Friendship?
Friendhip. They don't last, do they?
People leave everyday, even though you did nothing wrong.
Why do we need friends anyway?
Why can't we be alone just for some time?
Knowing that they'll either backstab you or betray you, they will still leave one day.
Why do we still trust them, then?
Trusting them too much and expecting much from them will only leads to disappointment.
Every single word they said literally scared those innocent little heart whom are sensitive.
Should I or should I not trust anyone anymore?
Even the person that we trust the most and treasure the most left within just a year or two?
I wanted to be alone, I always am.
But on the other side, I want someone to notice me and care about me, gives me attention.
Why can't I have a friend like everyone else do?
People just love to leave my hanging, don't they?
They never loved and cared about be at all, when they said they always did.
You don't have to say it, prove it.
Jessie <365
You // Broken Trust
People often are disappointed and are not worthy to trust. Some people act arbitrarily, treacherously and viciously, or, worse, offhandedly. You have to select the beneficiaries of your trust carefully: the one who has the most common interests with you; who is invested in you for the long haul; who is incapable of breaching trust ("a good person"); who doesn't have much to gain from betraying you - is not likely to mislead you. These people you can trust.
You should not trust indiscriminately. No one is completely trustworthy in all fields of life. Most often, our disappointments stem from our inability to separate one area from another. A person could be sexually faithful – but utterly irresponsible when it comes to money (for instance, a pathological gambler). Or he could be a good, reliable father – but a womanizer.
You can trust someone to carry out some assignments but not other, because these activities are more complicated, more boring, or do not conform to their values.
Still, we should not trust with reservations. Qualified trust is common in business and among criminals and its source is rational. Game Theory in mathematics deals with questions of calculated trust. We should trust wholeheartedly but know who to entrust with what. Then we will be rarely disappointed.
As opposed to popular opinion, trust must be put to the test, lest it goes stale and staid. We are all somewhat paranoid. The world is complex, inexplicable, arbitrary, and overwhelming. Some forces are benign, some capricious, others downright malicious. There must be an explanation, we feel, for all these amazing coincidences, for our existence, for events around us.
This tendency to introduce external powers and ulterior motives into our reality by way of explanation permeates human relations as well. We gradually grow suspicious, inadvertently hunt for clues of infidelity or worse, masochistically relieved, even happy when we find some.
The more often we successfully test the trust we had established, the stronger our pattern-prone brain embraces it. Constantly in a precarious balance, our mind needs and devours reinforcements.
Yet, such testing should not be explicit but circumstantial.
Trust is based on the ability to predict the future. We react not only to the act of betrayal, but also to the feeling that the very foundations of our world are crumbling, that it is no longer safe because it is no longer predictable. When betrayed, we are in the throes of death of one theory or even paradigm and the birth of another, as yet untested.
Here is another important lesson: whatever the act of betrayal (with the exception of outright maiming or murder), its outcomes are frequently limited, reversible, and, ultimately, negligible. Naturally, we tend to exaggerate the importance of the event. This serves a triple purpose. First, it aggrandizes us: if we are "worthy" of such an unprecedented, unheard of, and major betrayal, we must be worthwhile and truly special. The magnitude of the betrayal reflects on us and re-establishes the fragile balance of powers between us and the universe.
The second purpose of exaggerating the act of perfidy is simply to gain sympathy and empathy, mainly from ourselves, but also from others. Catastrophes are a dozen a dime and in today's world it is difficult to provoke anyone to regard your personal disaster as anything exceptional. Finally, the greater and more unprecedented the act of treason, the less responsible we feel for it and the more we believe that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it.
Amplifying the event has, therefore, some very self-salving purposes. But, finally, this self-deception poisons the victim’s mental circulation. Putting the event in perspective goes a long way towards the commencement of a healing process. No betrayal stamps the world irreversibly or altogether eliminates other possibilities, opportunities, chances, and people. Time goes by, people meet and part, lovers quarrel and make love, dear ones live and die. It is the very essence of time that it reduces us all to the finest dust. Our only weapon – however crude and naive – against this inexorable process is to trust each other.
Well, in this modern era, it’s not easy to find a good friend. In friendship, trust is a must-have thing. If you don’t trust your friend, then it’s not friendship. Yes, what can break your friendship is when you lose your trust to your own friend. When the trust is broken, all goes back to zero. Even worse. You will hate each other. I’m not meant to be wicked, but one thousand times of apology will not revive that trust. What you will think about your friend is.. Bad memories. It really kindles a flame of hatred between both of you.
I know, my disappointment will not change anything better. That apology heals nothing. Sometimes I ask myself: why do people lie so easily? Didn’t they know that lying is evil? Didn’t their parents teach them about morals? Another question is: does trust depend on who you are? I mean, trust is something that everyone has. It is human’s right and it is obligatory upon anyone to keep that trust. In my case, yes, I’m not your bestfriend. But, does it mean that I have no right to be treated well? My friend, we are human. You can’t make any excuse for doing any evil actions to anyone, even that person is only your friend. If so, please admit your mistakes and apologize soon. Stop insisting that you’re always right. Stop thinking that your friend is an opponent that you have to defeat.
Lying is eviler than murder. You already know about this. We aren’t the enemies in a war. We aren’t a married couple, either. Why did you lie to me? Why are you still arrogant about yourself? Please do contemplate. Please do consider this friendship. If not, why did you spend your time with me? We shared our secrets to each other. We promised to keep them well. We joked together. Do you still think that it was just an ordinary friendship, that you could just throw it away? Tell me.
Where are you? Have you been blinded by love? I used to know you as a logical person. Why did you sacrifice your intellect in a blink of eye? Why did you trust your lust instead of me? Why do you allow deception in friendship? Why do you harden you heart? Why do you deafen your ears from the truth? Am I nothing for you, after I always accompany and help you?
I am your friend, I won’t hurt you. Iloveyou. From the very start.
-Jessie <365
Bucket List :)
Right now ; 34/70
1. Fall in love.
2. Lose my virginity.
3. Ride the roller coasterrrrr.
4. Fall asleep in someone’s arms.
5. Bake a cake.
6. Have my first kiss.
7. Get drunk.
8. Lay under the stars.
9. Be kissed in the rain.
10. Be happy with the way I look.
11. Be told ‘I love you’ by the boy I am in love with.
12. Stick up for my best friend.
13. Keep a diary throughout my teenage years.
14. Have a baby.
15. Say the lords prayer in times of need and sorrow.
16. Cook a meal.
17. Get a tattoo.
18. Slap a bitch.
19. Get a complete spa treatment.
20. Hang out with friends.
21. Only kiss the people that I love.
22. Travel around the world.
23. Become successful in my career.
24. Be an independent womaen.
25. Pass my PT3.
26. Eat ice.
27. Go karaoke.
28. Go on a sophisticated dinner with my best friend.
29. Cry myself to sleep.
30. Have a nice tummy.
31. Keep my face flawless till 23.
32. Find my soul mate.
33. Own the Double End Highlighter.
34. Go visit an orphanage.
35. Go to London.
36. Go to Korea.
37. Kiss someone while watching the sunset.
38. Go to Japan.
39. Learn and master Korean language.
40. Go to a party.
41. Have a water ballet performance.
42. Be in a TV program.
43. Have a sleepover with friends.
44. Pour my heart out to someone I like.
45. Get rejected.
46. Spend an entire day in bed watching movies and eating.
47. Dream about the boy I like.
48. Go on a date.
49. Have someone put there arm around me in a cinema.
50. Have my own laptop.
51. Sleep in a capsule hotel.
52. Live in Korea / US.
53. Have sex.
54. Don't be emo anymore.
55. Get into Raffles University in Singapore.
56. Have a long-term relationship.
57. Be important to someone.
58. Meet OneDirection.
59. Meet Justin Bieber.
60. Meet Bigbang.
61. Meet 2ne1.
62. Meet EXO.
63. Meet F(x).
64. Marry my ideal man.
65. Teach dancing class as a part time job.
66. Own a mp3.
67. Have my own ome/family.
68. Celebrate my birthday with close ones on 2013.
69. Keep in touch with my lovies until we have our own family.
70. Complete the things on my list.
-Jessie <365
